Raw Kiddie Energy

Everyone always talks about the boundless and robust energy children exhibit. But when we refer to raw children it is like experiencing a whole other kettle of fish. I am not referring to obnoxious, out of control or rambunctious energy. Raw kiddies have unimaginable endurance, focus and an unwavering supply of pure vigor. These raw moppets that overflow with zest require a ton of fresh air outdoors and mental stimulation (most children thrive on these and not just the raw ones).

In the raw world there is lots of chatter about how crucial exercise is to this lifestyle. The same theory applies to our dumplings. They already have an organic supply of vitality that compounded with a fresh, wholesome raw diet is explosive. If we don’t give our chicks an outlet for this dynamism then we are putting the writing on the wall for rowdy behavior.

Let me paint a picture for you from my experience. Zenchai is a very busy boy. He rarely sits still, is very involved in his car play and isn’t naturally the kind of boy that runs around (not yet any way). I kind of liken him to more of a mentally active child. But having said that he does have tremendous amounts of raw gusto to spread and expel.

As he doesn’t spontaneously run around (quite possibly due to lack of confidence from a couple of past falls down steps) he started to show some very aggressive and unacceptable behavior. His wee pot was bubbling over and he didn’t know what to do with it. He would become intensely frustrated and/or angry then lash out at us with head-butting, biting or hitting. As one can imagine, this was incredibly difficult to deal with. I started by reassuring him, letting him know that his BIG feelings are always allowed but the furious behavior was unacceptable. I tried having him draw pictures of how angry/sad/frustrated he felt. These things do work to some extent.

The one thing that has made the chief difference to his use of unacceptable behavior has been having more exercise. For Christmas we bought him a lovely wooden bicycle without pedals, which at the time was just slightly too big for him. However, he has since grown and he fits on it perfectly. Although he still isn’t walking or running much, he rides his bicycle for hours a day. Since his bicycle doesn’t have pedals he is effectively running. The real kicker is I have to briskly jog to keep up with him! His bicycle has given him renewed confidence to be physically active. Finally we discovered the perfect outlet for his abundant energy and resolved a tricky dilemma.

The moral of the story is to get your bumpkins moving using whatever strategy suits their personality. While their expending some punch you can get shaking too!! Now that is what I call win-win.

Here’s to groove’in (rain or shine),
Jamie x

3 Steps to Better Parenting

1 CREATE SANCTUARY IN THE HOME

“When our home is built and kept with care and attention, the Angels cannot stay away-
For food is to us what love is to angels” Shea Darian

Sometimes it really feels like it is a ‘big, bad world out there’. I don’t know if I subscribe to that world-view, but what I do know is I want my home to be a refuge, a beautiful place to go to, and just BE. We all have such busy lives these days. And not everyone is on the same path trying to make the world a better place… As my son Landon said when he was 6, “People aren’t really bad, they are just lost”. WOW! That is profound. So it is and we may have experiences that are very challenging and unpleasant along the way. No matter where my family goes to visit or holiday or whatever, we always collectively sigh a relief of ‘IT’S SO GOOD TO BE HOME’ whenever we step across the threshold of our front door. It is important to think about what kind of ATMOSPHERE you wish to have and therefore must generate, inspire and protect in your home. Is the freedom to be oneself, in an atmosphere of love and acceptance important to you? Do you want your home to be a place of peace and calm and relaxation and serenity? Do you want your home to be a place of fun and excitement and adventure? Whatever flavour or color do you want the tone of the home to be, remember this- the woman sets that tone. Sorry, this is not sexist, it just happens to be something women do better than guys who are amazing at following the tone we set. In the home, we are the Coach, and the rest of the ‘team’ will get on board if you clearly hold that space. How is this done? Set up certain routines or rituals around main daily happenings-

For example:

Mealtimes – do you all say grace? Who lights the dinner candle? Does everyone help prepare or set up for the meal?

Family time – does everyone partake together in a after-dinner walk around the neighbourhood, hike on weekends, enjoy ‘game night’ perhaps with invited company, etc,

Welcomings and departures – are there kisses and hugs at departures and greetings?

Bedtime – Do you all enjoy a cuddle time, story, songs, prayers?

Activities – How are television and computer time limited?

Circle time – does your family enjoy a time of sharing our talents, concerns, etc.

Is your environment nourishing and purposeful, or cluttered and draining? Our dwelling place is a sacred place and how we care for it will be reflected back to us. What are special memories you are building into the fabric of your life? How do you and your family celebrate LIVING TOGETHER?

2 SEWING THE SEEDS OF DISCIPLINE- TRUE FREEDOM WILL BE THE FRUIT
“Having rules and structure makes a child feel safe and secure and teaches self-control
 and self-reliance,” ~Dr. Laurence Steinberg

Steiner said the whole point of education and parenting is to raise ‘free individuals’. What he meant is people who are conscious, and therefore able to make choices dictated by their own hearts and souls, infused with purpose for the greater good, and not enmeshed in self-loathing and doubt, tying to be significant in outrageous and ridiculous ways, struggling without any sense of inherent value and purpose. Some people mistakenly believe ‘having to do whatever one wants whenever one wants’ is freedom. But they are short-sighted, for how can one achieve something like win a medal, or buy a sports car, or live in a beautiful mansion, or raise a loving family, or have glowing health, etc if they have never learned how to do what it takes to accomplish those achievements? One of the easiest ways we can instil in our children the freedom to be themselves, with all their potential, is to help them remain unencumbered by destructive habits. A parent handicaps a child’s freedom if they fail to provide certain disciplines and structures into daily life. For example, if a child were allowed to eat whatever she wanted, where would the ultimate freedom be when eventually she is sick, overweight, pimply, lazy and full of disgust?

Here are some vital seeds of true freedom that you may want to ensure your family has dialed in:

-Food – I have noticed that to the degree one can manage their diet is to the degree they can mange anything! If we are reckless with our diet, we are handicapping our abilities elsewhere.

-Recreation – Plan and enjoy lots of family fun and recreation together- exercise, explore, laugh and just get outside and get moving! TV and computer time are not included here. Being out in Nature is especially renewing…go climb a tree!

-Sleep – How a child is ushered into the land of dreams is really vital to how they experience their healing, sacred sleep- which of course affects their waking life. So have a regular bedtime routine which includes soothing rituals like unwinding time with story or prayers or songs, perhaps a little candlelight, and at least 1/2hour of quality time spent with you.

Btw, Exercise your authority. Parents magazine says: “Children brought up by loving but authoritative parents—those who are supportive of their children yet maintain firm limits—excel academically, develop better social skills, feel good about themselves, and are happier overall than kids whose parents are either too lenient or excessively harsh.” Perhaps as a backlash to the strict upbringing of past generations, too many parents have taken to allowing children decision making freedoms which actually do more harm than good. Giving young children under the age of 7 the choice of what to have for breakfast, what school to attend, what time to go to bed at night, etc, BURDENS a child and causes stress. The boundaries we set for our young children build into them templates of strong foundations for when they are older. ‘Clear-thinking teenagers must first experience the guidance of clear-thinking care-givers. “The fact is kids fare better with clear rules and firm consequences. Without structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish, and unhappy—and they make everyone around them miserable too.” ~Ronald Simons, Sociologist .

3 ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS.
Of course you probably expected me to say acknowledge your ‘child’s’ feelings…But I want to be really clear here because everything hinges on this- If we don’t do this for ourselves, it is nearly impossible know how to do this for our children. And it is absolutely vital that we do it for them because as moms we are the most important person in their whole world and they naturally want and need to share their thoughts and feelings with us. Even though children often express themselves in ways other than appropriately, it is the fact that they are letting it out that matters most. That is the one good thing that sometimes is all we have in the heat of the moment to focus on, and even direct them to focus on- thereby cleverly shifting their initial focus. We need to ‘feel it to heal it’ and the only way to ‘get passed it is to go through it’. Please if you haven’t already done so, do yourself the biggest favor ever, and get and read a copy of ‘HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK’ and/or ‘NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION’ and learn the language of compassion that you probably were never taught. I actually use moments of stress and dis-harmony as practice sessions!

THE 3 R'S OF EARLY CHILDHOOD

Losing my family young seems to have created a strong desire in me to create family again.  It has instilled a passion for motherhood in me that I can only describe as ‘ferocious’. 

After studying Rudolf Steiner (Founder of the Waldorf school) for ten years, when it was my time to get married and raise a family, I already knew I would home-school my children in a ‘Waldorf’ way, at least for the first 7 years.  Steiner’s insight into early childhood education made it very clear for me that the first 7 years are foundational, and that certain distinctions are very important to understand during this special time. (Please read “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher” and “THE RAINBOW BRIDGE”) .

 One thing to keep in mind is that very young children really need consistency of caregivers from birth to age five.  This is essential to instil a sense of trust and well-being in small children. If one chooses to put children in a day-care establishment, look for a home-like environment that is orderly, where there is beauty and calm, where siblings can remain together and that is safe and secure.  (Go with your gut!)   

Childhood is such a precious and important time in and of itself and not just preparation for schooling.  It needn’t and mustn’t be rushed.   

To enhance my awareness of this critical stage of childhood, I attended annual conferences at GATEWAYS, and CHIRON (hosted by the RUDOLPH STEINER CENTRE in Thornhill T.O.)  Under the powerful tutelage of founder GENE CAMPBELL, CHIRON is a noteworthy resource, wherein a team of highly trained and dedicated teachers instruct parents, caregivers and other teachers how to apply Steiner’s ideas which  “can be applied to any situation where people have the goodwill to bring them”.

This is probably the most POWERFUL thing I learned there: THE THREE R’s OF EARLY CHILDHOOD.

These little R’s are like Pillars in your beautiful, secure home, and they make soooo much sense!

NOTE: Having only one thing on the schedule instead of several, kept it really simple and stress-free for me to accomplish.  So if I had laundry, or the usual chores of cooking or cleaning, they were done around that one event at my own pace.I found it really helps to have a bit of structure, but not be rigid with it, rather to use it as a guide post and flow with and around it as the day unfolds.  That is why Steiner termed it ‘RHYTHM’ as opposed to routine- it FEEEELS more relaxed and beautiful and makes you feel comfortable within it.  This has a HUGE effect on your children.* The relationship to their caregivers and their environment is the foundation for healthy stimulation, so keep it simple, keep it real & enjoy your child whatever the day brings.

To read more tips and strategies, please see my manual which comes with my DVD, “RAISING CHILDREN RAISES US,” GO TO : www.rawmom.com/raisingchildren/index.html

Beauty Is As Beauty Does

I once saw a movie about 15 years ago that I cannot recall anything of other than the ending, yet I will never forget it…it burns in my memory like a beacon of light guiding my way with the same inspiration and power as the moment I saw it. The scene was of a woman, I cannot even remember if she was young or golden…it didn’t matter- she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Sort of…I mean, conventionally speaking, her nose was rather long, her eyes perhaps too small, her lips on the thin side…you know what I mean. But there was SOMETHING about her that was literally breathtaking. She mesmerised me. Her face was lit up from within. Her aura, her soul, shone through her eyes. I loved her. I understood her. I knew I wanted to be like her.

I too am not what one would call a conventional or Natural beauty. If it was PRIOR to seeing this movie, I would tell you all the defects about my face…it would take some time! But having had that remarkable experience of being in a woman’s presence who was sooooo beautiful from within, I cannot see myself with the critical eyes I once did. I see my light, my soul, my beauty every time I look in the mirror. There is a sparkle in my eyes that I didn’t have when I was younger- my zest for life! And there is a sadness, a pool of compassion for the suffering I have experienced and even more so of the suffering I see in the world…there is a depth of beauty there that is palpable- you can feel it when I beam at you.

Some people have so much love in their being it just radiates. I have seen this inexplicable quality in mature women who have lived well. I tell my children thateven though everyone chooses their life and even their death long before they are born that some are very afraid to die. They ask me why is this? I answer with conviction that it is because they have so many regrets, that they lived with their hearts closed and so that is how they must die…and therefore their hearts are full of fear instead of love. It is the same with BEAUTY. We are born with certain features and complexions etc, but we make our own expressions over time. The habitual attitudes and dwellings of our thoughts etch out what our faces will become.

To be very frank, I have never seen a woman who wasn’t beautiful- in some way. Unfortunately, many woman do not take care of their beauty, and it fades with neglect over time…but it is always there hidden underneath. The way a woman smiles, a soft place for her man to fall…the way she pats a puppy or tenderly strokes the face of a child…the way she hums or sings or dances when no one is around…the way she takes the clothes off the line in summer and folds them with ease and grace…the way she bends and attends to little boo-boos…the way she prepares food with love…the way she puts on her lipstick…the way she closes her eyes when she smells a rose…the way she touches the arm of her elderly neighbour when she says hello…the way she nurtures her relationships…the way she sees the best in her children…the way she is fierce and ferocious about her standards…Women are the most Divine, beautiful creatures on earth. Every man and child and animal senses this! A man’s power is Power, a woman’s power is Beauty.

Oh, and of course there are little tricks I have learned along the way too that enhance what we have! But I shall leave you in suspense for now and share next post! In the meantime, be beautiful! Because you ARE.

Blissings,

Shannon ‘Shakaya Breeze’ Leone

Forever In My Heart!

This week, my daddy’s obituary popped up in front of me when I least expected. It appeared at the time my mom was visiting, so I ran to the room she was in and shared it with her once again. She was as delighted as I was to revisit the words about the essence of my dad. What a divine being he physically was and still is in his spiritual realm!

My dad’s physical life concluded on June 15, 1996; he would have been celebrating his 69th birthday on June 28 this year — the same day my mom came to visit us from Bermuda! As far as age goes, my dad “moved on” pretty early, but he certainly made his mark here on Earth before he left.

A few of the things documented in my dad’s obituary that highlight his genuine character are:

“…Ainsey was a ‘people person’ who tried very hard not to offend anyone. With his non-threatening disciplinary style, his love of conversation and debate, and his wonderful sense of humour, many young people who came in contact with him enjoyed his company and looked up to him as a role model…”

“…Mathematics and Technical Drawing were his favorite subjects during his school days…………….His children fondly recall the ease with which he assisted them with their math homework…”

“…Ainsey’s enigmatic personality attracted people from all ages and all walks of life. He was often referred to as a ‘philosopher,’ because he was wise beyond his years and had a great zest for knowledge….”

“…Ainsworth loved to cook and entertain. He said it helped him to relax after a hard day’s work. He was often found in the kitchen experimenting with various dishes. His home was likened to “The house of Abraham” by the Archbishop of his church because anyone was welcome there and made to feel at home with good food, plenty laughter and great conversation…”

“…His mother-in-law brags that in her 40-year relationship with her son-in-law, not once did they exchange a cross word…”

“…These past two years (during his illness) gave Ainsey the opportunity to create a legacy of love; in that he rekindled friendships, gained new friends and brought an already close-knit family even closer…”

“…On Saturday, June 15, 1996, with his wife at his bedside reading Psalm 112, Ainsworth peacefully closed his eyes and moved on to a better place…”

You know, I often stand in awe of how blessed my life has been having been raised and guided by the well-known and beloved Ainsworth Norwood Burgess — lovingly known as “Kebede” (an Ethiopian name that means “Powerful”). Memories of my dad make my heart smile and smile and smile!

Thank you, Daddy, for giving me the gift of your presence and parenting. Thank you with every fiber of my being for the love you showered me with and the worthwhile lessons you took time to teach me. I know a big reason why I love myself and others so much is a direct result of the unconditional LOVE that oozed out of you and Momma — a wonderful parenting team!

Thank you God for my parents! My life feels incredibly richly blessed because of them!

By the way, I’m pretty sure my love of greens all started with my dad — what an advocate of eating greens he was! As I ate some broccoli last night, I said to my mom, “Remember when Daddy used to say, ‘Eat your trees’ — referring to broccoli.” And, in college, when I made sure to eat my green peas and such, a friend often commented of how proud my parents would be to know I was on my own yet still eating my greens. Years later, I’m still eating those greens……..

Thanks for the Green Love, Daddy!

Big Green Hugs,

Penny

P.S. Picture above: My parents and I on my wedding day — June 6, 1992.