How to Win Any Argument & Keep Your Friends
~ by Tera Warner
Eh he he he hem. I received the following question recently:
“What if someone did you wrong, or hurt you and doesn’t want to take responsibility for their actions or words? How do I face someone who’s constantly finding reasons and justifications without acknowledging the ‘wrong’ or even apologizing and showing regrets? Can they be teached? How best to react?”
This is a great question and one I’m going to have a blast answering, as it touches on quite a few different ideas. Read on to find out how I responded. 😉
How To Make A Person See Their Responsibility
You can’t. Forget it. Don’t bother.
I know that sounds fatalistic of me, and that’s really not my usual personality, but here’s the thing:
I’d rather work with YOUR level of responsibility than theirs.
I mean, you’re here, right? If you’re here, there’s something YOU can do to turn this around.
The only way to help a person who is afraid of being wrong, who needs to make others wrong, who clings to their need to be right …
…is to find something they can be right about. 🙂
Ultimately each of us will be left to live in the energetic mess we make of our lives. The consequences of our choices, ignorance, evasion and irresponsibility. When you’re stuck at blame and the evasion of responsibility, life is slow, miserable, pain-filled and lackluster.
The reason you’re here isn’t to “fix” other people or make them figure things out. It’s to fix yourself enough that you can be a sea of sanity, clarity and integrity in life. Here’s another idea that might help:
A Cat Can’t Scratch a Glass Pole
When you get right down to it, when you get right down to the nitty gritty, cold hard truth of the matter, [tweet_dis]it takes two to tango, it only takes ONE to end the war[/tweet_dis]. A cat can’t scratch a glass pole. If, in the face of arguments and upsets, you’re cool like the evening breeze…
If you’re not reactive, explosive, easily insulted…
If you’re able to stand there and just comfortably observe the situation for what it is…
If you can see them for where they are and understand their behavior…
If you can find out something the other person honestly CAN be right about…
…then their need to be right will disappear.
People act the way they do because they’re afraid. Afraid of being wrong. So if you can find something they’re right about, their defences will go down and you’ll be able to communicate a whole lot easier.
No one likes to be wrong. Not even you. Your willingness to love, validate and acknowledge another person in spite of all the reasons you may have not to, may very well be the most valuable and important thing you ever do. Because remember this: If the people with whom you struggle were doing well, feeling confident, loved, peaceful and balanced, you probably wouldn’t be struggling with them in the first place. 😉Â