3 Trouble-Shooting Tips to Improve Your Communication In Any Relationship
~ by Tera Warner
When it comes to relationship challenges we all have our communication kerfuffles and upsets caused by the ruffling of feathers and biting of tongues, but there’s a way to avoid them and improve your communication with others. While you were never really taught how to communicate–never given a system, or method to the madness of the making relationships work–there are some helpful, practical simple tools you can learn and this article will share the most important of them all.
There’s one thing you’ve got to be in order to communicate and you’re going to give yourself a great, big forehead slap when you realize what it is!
In order for your communication to be effective, your friends and loved ones to feel understood when they speak to you, [tweet_dis]the one thing you’ve got to be to communicate is present.[/tweet_dis] You’ve got to be there–present and fully attentive to the conversation and communication taking place for it to be successful!
It might be hard to remember, but long before headlines and billboards and other people’s opinions started interfering with your worldview, there was a time when you weren’t worried about the future or stuck in the past. You were fully present in the moment enjoying your environment and your experiences in life.
Have you ever found yourself speaking to someone who seeming to be staring right through you while you were talking? Do you recognize that glassy-eyed glare plastered across their eyes? Even if a person doesn’t say it, you feel it, you know it, you can just tell when someone’s not being fully “there.” Whether it’s happening to you or the person you’re with, here are three things to trouble-shoot and get that glassy-eyed stare outta there so real communication can happen!
1. Is there something you didn’t fully understand?
Sometime you “check out” of a conversation because there’s something you haven’t fully understood. If someone uses terms or concepts you don’t fully understand, you can draw a “blank” and just get lost. The same thing happens when you’re reading–have you ever gotten to the bottom of a page and realized that you have NO idea what you’ve just read?
That’s because there’s something you misunderstood and now there’s a big “blank”. Be attentive in your communication and ask for clarification when there’s a word you don’t understand. Being spaced out makes you look more stupid than asking questions. If you’re not sure or clear, ASK. Be present to the communication and honor the other person with your full attention.
2. Are you tired? Have you had enough sleep?
If you’re tired, hungry or worn out, then you are way more likely to get distracted, misinterpret what people tell you and be more reactive, explosive and sensitive in your communication. If you’re not rested or properly fed, you’re going to very likely have communication upsets. Before you have any major conversations about difficult issues, if tensions are high and there are things to address, make it a matter of personal policy to get enough sleep and get enough rest before you start talking about it.
These suggestions may seem basic, but in the busyness of life and the over-promotion of pharmaceutical solutions to emotional upset, then these “little details” are often overlooked. Taking care of yourself really is vital to being able to be there fully present in your communication with others and in Life!
3. Where is your attention stuck?
Sometimes, in spite of our best effort to say all the right things and communicate with kindness, we get “triggered” and seem unable to control our reactions or make sense of our responses in light of what’s going on around us.
You have a past. If that past contains incidents of pain, loss, unconsciousness from injuries or even excessive drugs and alcohol use, then chances are when you’re under pressure or tired and hungry, you can feel emotions of the past move in on you compromising your ability to communicate.
You won’t feel like yourself. You won’t feel like your reactions make sense. Upsetting and painful moments of the past and anxieties about the future can cause our communication to be stifled, stuck and even irrational. You need to be able to spot when this is happening and go back to step 2. Make sure you’ve got good food and adequate sleep in your body then come back and try another round of communication again.
The bottom line.
It doesn’t really matter WHY you’re not there in communication, it matters THAT you get there in communication and DECIDE to be fully present to the people and situations in your life. Life is in you right now and the choices you make today determine what happens tomorrow. Regret about the past and worry about the future pull you further away from the opportunity to have rewarding, empowering communication with others.
CHOOSE to be present. Get the rest you need and you and your loved ones will immediately experience improved relationships and more effective communication because of it.
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