What “Letting Go” Really Means
by Tera Warner
So how do you know when it’s time to let go?
I feel like I’ve been teasing you a bit and beating around the bush before I get to answering this question. I have a reason for doing so, of course.
I think ending relationships is never the best solution. It’s more like the last resort.
After you’ve thoroughly scoured your universe for all the things you can take responsibility for…
After you’ve tried doing whatever you could to make it go right…
After you confirmed that the action, intentions and behavior of the person you’re letting go ultimately does not lift you higher…
Then maybe it is time to let go.
You Have The Right to Thrive
You have the right to thrive, prosper and enjoy your life. You have the right to your own opinions and point of views about the world and the way things work. If you ever feel someone is trying to crush, lessen or invalidate your point of view, or you as a person, then your internal fire alarms should be going off.
There are bumps and ups and downs in all kinds of relationships.But ultimately, at the end of the day, the people we’re with need to lift us up, not drag us down. There should be a noticeable “lift” or “boost” after you’re with someone. If not, well…
…here’s a quote to consider:
“You are the average of the 5 people
you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn –
I think we really are all connected, so just cutting communication lines and dropping heart strings is rarely the way to go. Unless, you’ve stumbled upon a “rotten egg” and cutting the ties is truly the best thing for you to do.
There Are “Rotten Eggs” Out There
The bottom line is that there is A LOT to learn about people. Sometimes in our enthusiasm for life and love and sensation we dive into relationships with others without really knowing what they’re all about.
You can’t judge a person by what they wear (though it will provide some great clues about how a few things). You can’t even judge a person by what they say (because some people just aren’t straight up about how they really feel!).
You’ve got to look at a whole lot of things:
- How do they look out at and view the world around them?
- How do they treat and communicate with children?
- What do they say about politics? religion?
- How much do they contribute to others and the world around them?
- At what kind of speed do they eat, talk, work?
- How productive are they in general?
- Do you feel you have the room to safely communicate your point of view, be understood and heard?
- Do you feel you can safely receive, understand and hear the point of view of another?
- Do they generally help other people and support endeavors that help others, or do they criticize and condemn other people who try to help?
- Most importantly: How do YOU feel in their presence?
You’re going to have to get smart about this.
In The End
You’re going to have to look, not just listen. You’re going to need to really examine a whole range of behaviors and actions and intentions before you decide to just drop someone in your life. You’re going to need to put emotion aside and look at the facts as much as you can.
Because at the end of your days, when you’re feeling more withered and worn than frisky and fresh, you will not ask yourself if you played enough golf or drank enough green smoothies. You’ll ask yourself if you truly acted in the best interests of life and of love when it came down to your relationships. And where you did not, you will be staring a sense of failure and disappointment in the face.
The only person who will ever hold you back for the things you’ve done to cause harm in life, is you. It’s not just about “nobility” or “the greater good.” It’s about self-preservation, personal integrity and being able to look your own actions and choices in the face and feel good about them at the end of the day, at the end of all your days.
Wherever and whenever possible, we do not want to cut our communication lines with people. But sometimes, you have to. Asking these questions above will help you decide whether or not doing really is the best decision for you and for Life. Sometimes letting go means letting go of your expectations about a relationship. Sometimes “letting go” means letting go of the kind of relationship you have.
You don’t always need to cut strings completely when you “let go” of a relationship. Sometimes you need time for dust to settle before you can make sense of things. Adjust the dynamic. Put in new policies, agreements and ways of communicating. Somewhere inside you do know what to do. I guess you just need to decide to get out of your head and do it.