Stop Criticizing And Try Compassion Instead
By Tera Warner
Last week, I talked about how to stop using cowardly communication. I talked about the idea that if you’re criticizing someone, chances are good you have done something to them that you wouldn’t have wanted to have done to you.
Allow me to elaborate…
Making the World A Better Place
I’m not saying you weren’t “justified” in criticizing.
I’m not saying the person you’re criticizing is an angel.
I’m not even saying you can’t criticize.
What I am saying is that criticism (the kind that makes a person smaller, invalidates or lessens them) will never, ever, ever be of service to you, to the person you’re criticizing or to the world.
And I know you are here because you want to make the world a better place.
So even if you are “justified” in criticizing someone for the things they’ve done, why bother? Who does it serve? Who does it uplift or help? How does it make things better?
If people were doing well in life, they wouldn’t be cutting you down or raining on your parade in the first place. Find something about them you can admire. (I don’t care if it’s their golf shirt!) Then put your attention on that. I never said doing it would be easy, but is living with frustration, anxiety, resentment, etc. easy?
Taking opportunities to eliminate criticism from your own conversations and communication choices is one thing. Being able to understand WHY other people might be critical toward you or others is an opportunity to feel enlightened and empowered.
Why people aren’t nice to you. What to do about it.
You know, people have been through a lot. Life kinda kicks us around and we’ve had some tough runs around the block. I’m not saying this is an excuse for treating people poorly, I am saying that if people could see their own traps in life, they would set themselves free and they wouldn’t behave like jerks quite so much.
NO ONE thrives in a situation where they are unkind and treat others poorly. Any person who harms others, lessens their beingness or makes others feel less valuable will end up walking themselves into telephone poles one way or another.
In the presence of their own harmful acts, people will find ways to punish themselves.
They’ll develop illnesses, accidents, misery and complications. Life will just never go smooth, breezy and easy for them.
So you don’t need to worry about punishing people for the crimes they’ve done, though I do encourage you to feel comfortable communicating openly, directly and honestly about your own boundaries and limitations.
But in your heart of hearts, keep it clean and positive. Hold a graceful space of loving others IN SPITE OF ALL THE REASON YOU HAVE NOT TO.
Not as some noble glorified act that will get you to pass through the pearly gates on judgement day, but because love feels good. Understanding and compassion feel good. Living a life in love and understanding is a lot more fulfilling and uplifting than feeling stuck in resentment, regret, blame, worry, antagonism or intolerance.
Freedom is just a slight change of perspective away.
Embrace it now and live your life untethered by emotions that drag you down. No one is going to lift themselves up higher by criticizing and condemning others (Which doesn’t mean harmful acts are justified, it just means we’ve got to be love if we want to see love showing up in the world).
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