Don’t Leave Them Dangling
By Tera Warner
Let’s start with this musical inspiration: http://youtu.be/nntOYUODSV0
Isn’t that a great song? I love it. Unfortunately, dangling conversations are one of the worst things you can possibly have.
It’s like an incomplete project. An unfinished sentence. A half-hug.
*shudder*
Think of a conversation or a “cycle” of communication like a game of playing with a ball.
Jane has the ball (idea) and throws it to Jim.
Jim catches the ball (“gets” the idea/understand) then throw it back ( sends a reply).
Jane catches the ball again (“gets” the reply and understands it) then sends back the ball (usually at this time a statement acknowledging what was replied.
Jane: “Do you like ice cream?”
Jim: “Yes. I do like ice cream.”
Jane: “Great!”
Let’s take an example of you and “Jim” and look at the elements of a complete cycle of communication:
You have an idea you want to communicate. Let’s say, “Do you like ice cream?”
You send that idea to Jim. Jim catches/understands it and hears you’ve asked him if he likes ice cream. Now what happens next is pretty important.
If he says…
“Ice cream is a popular snack!”
Did he answer your question? 😉 No!
If he says…
“Yesterday I saw someone eat a huge ice cream cone!”
Did he answer your question? No! If he starts talking about his grandmother, sparks up a new conversation about ice or cream or does anything other than answer the question, “Do you like ice cream?” then he did not answer your question, you have a dangling conversation, and you better handle it!
Sometimes it isn’t intentional when people fail to answer a question. We are easily distracted creatures and there’s a lot on our minds. 😉
However, as I learned last summer, it certainly can be intentional! Failing to get your questions answered from your children, your employees, your neighbors, friends, etc. can get you into trouble. When people have things they don’t want to answer, they can create some marvelous diversions!
You’ve got to be alert in conversation. You’ve got to be listening and attentive and know what people are saying and understand when they have failed to answer your question.
This is a tricky thing to learn, and it’s surprising, but it does take practice. There will be times when you’ll have to gently repeat yourself. “That’s really interesting. Thanks for telling me that. So, do you like ice cream?”
Naturally I’ve chosen a pretty neutral question, but there are a lot of ways this situation can play itself out and the implications of this are pretty far-reaching.
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