How to Choose Good Friends and Keep Them
By Tera Warner
The world is full of all kinds of people. Some are sunny in disposition, some are dry, dull and flat. Some lift you up, some let you down, some dump you on your back.
When you’re moving and grooving through life on the path to happily ever after, one of the most important things you’ll learn is simply how to choose your friends and keep ‘m.
Three Things You Want to Look for in a Good Friend
A ship captain had great training in personal relationships. When out at sea, if you’re to any degree a respectable person, you can’t just throw people overboard when they tick you off or cause you trouble.
Oh sure, there’s the odd person who should be thrown overboard, but by and large our instant-gratification civilization has caused us to “jump ship” on our relationships very easily when things don’t go right, and we have developed a very low level of loyalty, persistence and commitment in our relationships in general.
Making sure these three traits and characteristics are in place in your primary relationships before you set sail in a meaningful way together will save you a whole lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
1. She’s a doer, not just a talker.
I have a personal policy to “look, not listen” when assessing the value of my relationships in business or personally.
Words are easily spoken and promises quickly given, but the friends you want to keep are the ones who stick around when the going gets tough–the ones who do more and speak less. The ones who sweat, get their fingernails dirty and show up when you need help.
A lot of people have enthusiastic expressions of undying devotion and promises to perform and produce, but when it gets right down to the nitty gritty you need results. Don’t just believe what people say. Observe how they live, contribute and the results of the work they complete, not just what they promise.
It’s easy for relationships to be decorated in colorful conversations, but the ones most worth keeping are the ones who walk their talk and show up when you need them the most.
2. She keeps a healthy balance of give and take.
We all love to be of service, but it’s important in our relationships to keep a good balance of exchange. If you have a relationship where you know you’re over-giving, or under-getting it’s not going to feel good for either party. Criticism, unhappiness and frustration can move in where a healthy, fair exchange have moved out.
A trust-worthy person is going to have their attention on making sure that the balance of give and take, of push and pull stays fair and comfortable for everyone.
3. She loves you exactly as you are (and even more so because you are who you are).
When you look at an orange, you don’t try to make it an apple. When you look at a grape, you don’t wish it could be a prune. Having a friend who allows you to be yourself, as you are is worth more than any of the other traits above combined.
Bombarded by media messages that nudge us to be better, happier, slimmer, taller, tougher, tighter, brighter and more beautiful, it is a really powerful and rewarding thing to have a relationship where we’re given all the room we need to be exactly who we are as we are.
Truth is, we’re all trying to make a better world and secretly long to improve ourselves, but it’s so much harder to do it when we feel we “have” to in order to meet someone else’s expectation of how or who we should be. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
“You don’t need to change yourself to please the world.
Just be yourself. That’s what will change the world.”
Word of Fair Warning:
If you’re feeling disgruntled in any of your relationships, BEFORE you go and make demands for more attention, time or money, first CHECK TO SEE IF THERE IS ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU MAY BE DOING THE SAME THING YOU ARE NOT HAPPY ABOUT.
Our reactions to situations, circumstances and events should feel pretty calm, cool and collected. If you’re hot to trot with a blame game, you might need to do a bit of self-investigation before you point fingers in anyone else’s direction.
Being able to maintain a high degree of contribution in your work and personal relationships is KEY to building your confidence and maintaining empowered, supportive relationships in all areas of your life. Deliver great exchange, show up when the going gets tough and grant beingness to those who are close to you and you’ll start to prosper and thrive in all your relationships and in all areas of your life!
Love and let love,
Tera
Need a Relationship Makeover? Join Us in New Zealand!
If you’ve got relationships that need a clean up and are ready to reorganize your life and take it to a whole, new level, come join us this March in New Zealand where I’ll be joining three of my team members to deliver a powerful Lifestyle Design Retreat under the gorgeous New Zealand sun!