The F-Word: FOOD!

The greatest evil that can befall man is that he should come to think ill of himself.  GOETHE

What do you eat?  What do you like to eat?  What do you deny yourself?  What games go on inside your head about your food.  Games, or tyranny?  Do you eat in fear?  Do you eat with guilt?  Do you feel afraid, ashamed, bad?

Last time I talked about a guilty pleasure of mine, and how we tend to judge ourselves and each other…but it’s just so strange that we do this to ourselves.  I mean, no one can control our thoughts.  No one can think for us. It’s all up to us, yet, we still think in ways that hurt ourselves.

I recall when I decided to ‘go raw’ some of the games I played with myself- and they were pretty harsh:  you can have this only if you wait until Friday…you can’t have that anymore, even though you love it…you better not eat that- at least not until the kids are in bed so they don’t see you…how can you eat that when you don’t even believe in that anymore- what is wrong with you…?  Any ‘closet cooked eaters’out there?

On and on it went.  I was my own worst enemy.  I doubt any raw guru or coach out there would have been so hard on me.  I was so determined to ‘change’.  I practically threw my entire life into a tizzy over food.  It wasn’t good enough that I change- I needed my entire family to change too!

My husband and I had many fights over mealtime.  I wanted his ‘support’ and he just wanted to eat!   I felt he was ‘sabotaging’ me and all my efforts.  I used to work so hard making raw cookies and little treats to tempt our kids with.  They were so young that they actually took to everything quite well- at least the sweet stuff…But then in Mr Man would walk with half of his hot chocolate- or a donut or something- and he would leave it lying around, and the kids would find it and ask to have it.  He would say ‘sure’, I would say ‘no!’ and I was always the BAD GUY!  Eventually I would give in and let them share the little bit that he had left, but the damage would be done.  Because after trying that little goodie with all the sugar and addictive chemicals on their pure little taste buds, they would no longer want MY healthy, raw treats anymore!

I know some of you reading this are in a similar situation.  I feel your angst.  I know how much you want the best for your family!  I doubt I would have gone to the lengths I did if I were single…I felt a HUGE responsibility to give my kids the best I could.  I looked up to Victoria Boutenko so much- she had done so well by her family and everybody not only benefited but came to really appreciate it her efforts.

She is a shero!  Her family are role models.  I have learned so much from them as we all have.  And I bless her everyday and have a heart filled with gratitude for this path and all the learning I have been so blessed to experience.

AND, not ‘but’, its all perfect.  There is so much more to this food game than it seems.  It goes very deep.  From my past of living on the streets for a while after my mom died when I was only 16- and going hungry, there are issues that I can’t just ‘will away’.  We ALL have our stuff, and we cannot just ‘stuff it’ with food- or be disciplined like I tried to be, and deny ourselves into submission.  This isn’t HEALTHY on any level.  And I am sure you feel as I do, raw isn’t a rawligion, and the percentage isn’t the point- having a healthy body temple is.

I have made tremendous progress.  I am so happy about it!  But there is still late night eating and little reminders here and there that crop up to let me know that I am still human.  I don’t think we ever really perfect our diet.  All we can ask for is progress.  Today, I am ecstatic about the progress I have made for myself and in my family.  And I joyfully look forward to even more, all in divine timing.  We don’t have to stress-out over food.  We can embrace the changes we desire, and move towards them by honouring where we are and where we would like to be.

I hope all the support and tools and tips and recipes and interviews and information that you find here is helpful!  That is my sincerest wish for everyone who stops by.  And also, that you would be loving and compassionate with yourselves, your family and your progress.  Food isn’t an enemy.  It’s a mirror.  We need to love our own unique reflection.  And allow ourselves the space to grow at our own pace. It will happen.  It is happening.

It is ‘March Break’ and so I have convinced my family that going on a wee cleanse would be a really swell idea and a jolly good time, hehe!  And we actually finished DAY 3 today- but the peanut gallery is getting restless…so, as a BIG reward for all their efforts, and to keep us all motivated, we are heading to the big city tomorrow for a couple of days to buy lots of durian, continue with our green juices and bitter weed salads, and take in the sites of the MARKETS, CHINATOWN, MUSEUM, SCIENCE CENTRE, and ART GALLERY!

CIAO BELLAS! Muah!

xoShannon