I used to LOVE coffee. Did you hear my emphasis? Yes, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED coffee. And it still seems a bit strange to put that in the past tense as really I didn’t see myself as someone that drank coffee merely because I needed the caffeine, or was in the habit, or well for any reason except that I truly loved it.
I was also a bit of a coffee snob. I would faithfully detour through one of the local coffee stops prior to work or during a break. During the past couple of years my once-a-week indulgence was an almond mocha made with soy milk, heavy on the chocolate to cover the soy flavor, and de-caf or at least half-caf because I really didn’t need want the caffeine. And one of my regular detours could make this specialty so good I thought it was a little bit of heaven.
My oldest daughter could order her own Mocha at ten, and I just smiled and thought of how I didn’t know what a Mocha really was until I was nearly thirty. (The coffee snob thing used to be only coffee and not all the sweetly steamed additions.) Now I wish I could somehow infuse her with the true energy I feel from my regular green smoothies — double-grande please, no detour required!
I’ve had a slow grieving process with moving my love of coffee into the past tense. Since committing to starting my day with a green smoothie I have had less frequent coffee indulgences. I told myself I was making the detour as a fun treat, and that indulging in the small size occasionally was simply part of moderation and balance.
Moderation or not, continuing to drink coffee actually became self-inflicted disappointment. That Mocha? The taste seemed burnt, sour, and not even the chocolate part lifted my taste buds. And there was no energy infusion of any type — natural or otherwise. I tried switching to Chai tea, and when the same disappointment followed I tried to believe it was just that that particular barista couldn’t make a good one. After telling myself that a half a dozen times, I decided maybe it was me and not them. Sometimes I still enjoy the smell of rich coffee, but I quite literally do not like the taste of it at all.
I’m still trying on this new identity of the non-coffee drinker. I still feel bad when someone offers me dark rich coffee, and I have to decline.
And on cold fall mornings like this one there is still a reflex deep within my psyche that immediately says, “maybe today I’ll have a cup of coffee.” Then I get up, try to keep my eyes open during ten minutes of light box therapy, drink some water, and bounce on my rebounder for at least a few minutes while starting to plan the day. Then as if by body memory I pull out some greens and look around to see what fruit I have to work with (I’m not a morning person so I seriously may not remember what was clearly there the night before), and start blending. I see, smell, and sometimes can’t help but taste the ingredients. And I smile.
And I don’t even realize that all thoughts of coffee have disappeared…
Green energy hugs —
Tami
P.S. A version of it first appeared on my baby blog inspired by my transition to better health: http://learningtoeat.wordpress.com/2008/08/19/wake-up-and-smell-the-green-smoothie/ I wanted to share that this transition continues to be a struggle in many ways, and I’ve thrown several cups of coffee down the drain since originally writing this as the memories are still strong enough for me to try settling down with a cup at the computer. Maybe I need to start drinking my smoothies from a coffee mug!