A Surprising Way to Rekindle that Flame

A couple weeks back I wrote about Spiritual Partnership and Susan Page’s 8 Loving Actions to get you there. Well, I’ve had pleasantly surprising results from Loving Action #4 – Practice Restraint. For this action, Page suggests you make a deal with yourself to refrain from making any demanding, negative or critical remarks for a doable amount of time, say a day or a week or two weeks. I decided to commit to one week and see where to go from there.

I’ve never considered myself a very demanding or criticizing person – in fact I go out of my way not to nag and to always try and see the other’s point of view in my relationships – so, I didn’t think this Loving Action would be much of a challenge. I was wrong. I constantly was slipping up and finding such remarks coming out of my mouth. However, it really made me so aware of just how much I ask of my sweetie and how critical I can be.

Sweetie, will you take out the trash, please? (demanding)
Honey, will you watch the baby while I take a bath? (demanding)
Careful! You’re being too rough with the baby! (critical, demanding)
Don’t fill his cup so full! (negative, critical, demanding)
Etc….

I guess it’s easy to think that by phrasing something sweetly or making reasonable requests, you are not being demanding, negative or critical. It’s interesting to see what happens when you stop making these sorts of statements though. First, it’s sort of a load off the mind to shift your focus onto yourself instead of worrying/thinking about what your loved one should or shouldn’t be doing. Second, it’s really freeing to see that, despite your lack of requests/comments, the garbage still gets taken out, the baby doesn’t get hurt, spills get wiped up, and it’s perfectly acceptable to announce that you are going to go take a bath!

But, these are not the surprising results….

When my sweetie and I first started dating, it was really annoying to be around us. We were so smitten with each other, it was as if no one else existed. We committed embarrassing public displays of affection, and, most importantly, we laughed all the time; corny jokes that had most people’s eyes rolling had us in stitches.

We still laugh a lot and are very solid as a couple. However, time and kids have brought a heavier element into the mix; it’s no longer all about fun and fancy – there’s just no getting around the pragmatic issues we face now. And this is a good thing, but there is a certain innocence to new love that just seems to get lost…or does it??

Even though I still slip up with the comments, Practicing Restraint has really shifted the mood in our house, my outlook, and the vibe between us. Lately, we’ve been looking at each other with fresh eyes, flirting a lot, and laughing hysterically. It has been just like it was in the beginning and I am downright giddy!

Oh, and things couldn’t be steamier in the bedroom….hello honeymoon all over!

Ah, what a pleasant surprise. I think I’ll keep at this Practice Restraint thing for a while….

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