When Chaos Strikes, What Do YOU Do?

Ooooh. Yesterday was intense. A totally hair-pulling day with my daughter, Mika. I love her to death, but the kid has got my buttons and there’s no hiding it.

I’ve already spoken about how I see my children as little people that hold me responsible as much as the reverse sometimes. And while some people may consider me irresponsible for the degree to which I honor their self-determinism, I don’t feel good imposing choices or things upon them just because I am the “mother”. I try to treat them as I would anyone, but without forgetting that I am the caregiver and bread winner on the team.

That having been said, my daughter sometimes really, really knows how to get me. I’ve just honored so many times her inherent wisdom that sometimes she really thinks she knows best. (But then, obviously, the way I just wrote that, so do I.)

*sigh*

There isn’t anyone that can get my buttons quite like my two kids get my buttons. My two little pooper scoopers know just how to give me that, “I’ve got you figured out, Lady” look that sends me through the roof!

Having been a teacher and having had my own day care for several years, I’ve managed to do a lot of observation and here are a couple things I’ve learned that have helped me when chaos strikes.

Whenever trouble does start brewing around here and the heat starts to get high, I immediately take the kids (yes, sometimes by force) and pluck them outside. Rather than argue and yell or try to wrestle and let havoc reign, I simply grab their shoes and mine and we JUST START WALKING.

People get overwhelmed. It happens. I’m not going to pretend for a second that parenting is bliss. It has blissful moments, but it challenges the hell out of me, too. Some days it makes mince meat out of me.

When I watch mothers like Shannon, it’s pretty easy for me to judge myself harshly, but the fact is, I’m a one-woman army. Being self-employed, single and homeschooling is a lot for this little human to take on. And if I didn’t have some really powerful tools, I think I’d have cracked long ago.

Actually, I did crack. And then that’s how I found the tools. So having been to the other side and back,here’s the crack-prevention strategy I’d like to pass on to you. Let’s not pretend crisis doesn’t happen. It does. To some more often than others, but here’s the bottom line for dealing with it when it does happen:

GET OUTSIDE!

If you just do this one thing, you will have a saner life.

We have space outside. When we’re inside our stuff, clutter, dishes and unfinished projects impose themselves on our space in addition to what is already there. People rarely dramatize outside. Take space. Extrovert.

When I do grab my kids to get them outside, I don’t talk much. I just let them scream out every protest against the sun about what a terrible mother I am and how hard their lives are and how… blah, blah, blah. Emotionally, I shut off to the noise, because at this stage not much that anyone is saying could be considered very rational.

When buttons are being pushed and blood is boiling, that is NOT the time to spew your thoughts as they happen. Stuff a sock in your mouth and let the moment pass. Words spoken during dramatizations are damaging.

Cool off, then talk.

So believe it or not, all I do is I just start walking until things cool off.

And then I have them notice things in their environment. You know, get back in the present moment. Look at flowers, trees, cars, etc. And every time something always shifts. A transition takes place and we both just look at each other and know it’s time to move forward.

There’s no lengthy chatter about who’s “right” or who’s “wrong”. These terms are meaningless and completely dependent on viewpoint. We’re both right and we’re both wrong.

There’s no debate. When dramatization hits the home front, we get outside.

Until it changes.

It’s pretty amazing, because every time my children struggle, or have an outburst, I can always find how I created that situation, either by my actions, or by my inactions. There’s a delicate balance between personal responsibility and self-punishment.

I can’t claim to be a perfect parent. I don’t think anyone could. But I sure do the best I can with what I’ve got. And I’m committed to learning more along the way.

Mika…

I don’t really have words to tell you how grateful I am that you allow me to be so fully me–that you love me for trying and that you give me room to stumble about once in a while, too.

I wish, some days that I had more tools, more order, more wisdom, more something… but thank you for taking me here, as I am, with the hope that we’ll keep getting better at this crazy game and loving and learning along the way.

I’m off to snuggle a hamster-loving 8 year old.

May peace be with you in your homes and in your hearts…

Tera

No related posts.