3 Ways to Enhance a Child's Self-Love

How blessed we ALL are to be alive in such EXCITING times! It’s the best of times and the worst of times. On one hand, pollution, the massacre of millions of helpless animals daily for food/leather/pet industry/vivisection (EARTHLINGS was a film that absolutely devastated me), global warming, terrorism, wars, all-time high divorce rates = single parent families, top soil erosion, over-filled landfills, toxic water and food, _____________ (put your favourite crisis in the blank) etc, etc.

On the other hand, we have an absolute explosion of evolution on every front- technological, nutritional (i.e. raw foodism), spiritual, etc., etc! It seems like children today are definitely more aware than our generation was, and so are we parents compared to our own. There is a massive shift happening on the planet, RIGHT NOW, that is literally deleting old programs for anyone and everyone who is open and wanting to move forward. And by forward, I mean LIVING in BLISS!

There is a consciousness which creates that inner state of joy, all the time, no matter what is happening. It is the same consciousness we can observe in babies, who smile and coo just for the joy of it, even when no one is watching. Underneath our moods, feelings, anxieties, and thoughts, there is ONE state that never changes and it is so peaceful and beautiful, it really is sublime.

Mediators, naturalists, yogis, children, and incurable optimists innately know this. It is truly God’s intent for us ALL. How blessed we are.
Loving our children is our biggest, most important privilege, and no matter what fame, success, or worldly goals we may achieve, if we fall short here, we can never be fulfilled. Here are my 3 absolutes when it comes to parenting:

a) LOVE MYSELF
It is impossible to give the depth of our compassion and patience and sensitivity if WE DON’T HAVE IT to begin with! Every mom knows how easy it is to PUT OURSELVES LAST, and of course there are times when this is inevitable- especially in the beginning of our motherhood career. Babies and small children are INTENSE, but we simply MUST make ourselves PRIORITY because so much depends upon us.

Cheryl Richardson wrote a book several years ago that described the concept of RADICAL SELF-CARE. At the time of reading it I couldn’t even totally imagine what that would look like… Today I live it. It takes DISCIPLINE to not allow myself to be pulled off course by the 3 gorgeous guys I live with. I call it ‘CENTERING IN SELF’ or being ‘self-centered’. It sounds SELFISH, but it isn’t because it takes the BIG PICTURE into account. When I am WHOLE, I am just MORE. I’m happier, calmer, resourceful, relaxed, sparkly, fun, gentle, and everyone benefits! John Gray said that women who’s ‘WELL HAS RUN DRY’ naturally become bitchy. Like I tell Hubs, ‘Happy wife, happy Life’. This WORKS!

b) LOVE THEIR FATHER
If I had to be honest, this one is the hardest, the easiest, and the most complicated things, but CRITICAL to how everything unfolds for us all. NOTHING hurts children more than their parents fighting. Whether it is suppressed or expressed, children definitely FEEL the tension, and suffer deeply. I love and adore Luke, but nobody else has the power to annoy, disturb, or enrage me more. Especially when he doesn’t set a good example for our boys- you know, by eating meat, or smoking (yes, sadly this issue isn’t complete yet) etc., etc!

But, I have come to…no, that would be lying. I am coming more and more, to the understanding that he is his own man, and it isn’t my business what his issues are. Gulp! And though he isn’t perfect, (am I?) he LOVES us, is THERE for us, and we love him! The better I can appreciate what he is and even isn’t, the more it NURTURES all our souls. Above all, he is my soft place to land.

c) GIVE YOUR CHILD/REN YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION
This ISN’T practical or necessary EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY, but it is paramount to give our undivided attention to our children in meaningful snippets. Even seconds at a time while zipping up a jacket, or handing over a toy is nourishing. LOOK into your child’s eyes and give a smile. That tells them they are good and worthy of love without saying a word, and they get the message. Sometimes just a WINK can say volumes.

Take 10 minutes, just 10, to get down on the ground with them while they are playing, NOT necessarily to PLAY with them (unless they invite you and you want to), but to just share in their company and enjoy that space. No correcting or suggesting or reminding, just BEING with them as they ‘do their thing’ and enjoying it together. When everyone is eating, take 1 minute to RELAX, chew slowly, put your utensil down in between bites and BREATHE,. Then softly smile, looking into everyone’s eyes and FEEL in your heart your GRATITUDE enjoying their company and the bounty at your table, even amidst the chaos that can often take place with young ones.

Take 20 minutes at bedtime to just be fully present to the unwinding of their day as you guide them into dream land with your soft singing or whatever your family rituals are…These moments LAST a lifetime!

You know which moments truly demand your absolute attention? The moments when they are trusting you with all their heart. Some of these moments will vary day to day, and others will be more uniform and regular. Yet they are all so special to your children. They make up the fabric of their childhood.

I just want to say I love all you moms out there and my hat is off to us all for the incredible job we are doing; this sacred work of parenting. Like my sister says “God couldn’t be everywhere, so S/He created Moms”. WE ARE modern day HEROES!

Bless!
Shannon Leone

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